The mouth guard


In Oliver Posted

My Mom is super zen through the day. She likes to deal with things rationally, systematically and with care. Unless of course there is no coffee or food around. Then things become quiet and dark!!! On such occasions, she becomes thoughtful, although I highly doubt she thinks about the issue at hand and instead wonders if raiding a coffee chain store would land her in jail.

Mom also knows that some things we have no control over, which is why she puts pressure on her teeth at night. The kind Dentist Doctor Lady gave her this contraption that guards her teeth against her malicious jaw.  Not her best look mind you. Once she brushes her teeth and runs the household hot water supply dry in trying to soften the teeth guard thing, she pops them in her mouth and enters the bedroom looking like a super natural deity punished for her crimes.  Dad tries very hard not to laugh at her (that would land him on the couch!).

All that effort, and in the middle of the night Mom takes these things out of her mouth and puts them wherever without even opening her eyes.   I, on the other hand, sleep lightly and have a natural ability to be alert and useful around the clock.  So the first time Mom just tossed her mouth guard in the bathroom in its own pink container (all by accident and in her sleep of course), I went to investigate.  I decided that I needed more light, so I took it in the basement and used the moon light to figure it all out.  After some physical testing, the flimsy thing just got snapped in half.  So I did what any good dog would do.  Ate a little bit of it and hid the rest under my bed.

I never felt bad watching Mom looking for it as she always loses stuff around the house and everybody else just ignores her.  Fish-Memory is what she has!  But a while later, she decided to be clean and proper and invaded all my bedding and towels and blankets for the washing purpose.  That’s when she found the mouth guard.  She was not amused, neither was I! She went back to the Dentist Doctor Lady, got another one of those,

complained about the cost and did the exact same things with it again.  The second time around, I decided to use the day light and jump on higher surfaces in the bathroom for a better look.  The new guard was less chewy, much much smaller (meant to cover the front teeth only) and a lot more fun to handle.  The new look did NOT make Mom prettier at night though!

Not sure if through sheer genius or by some universal good fortune, but once in my mouth, the thing landed on my front teeth where it should be. This is when mom saw me with her night guard in my mouth, looking accessorized and handsome.   Too bad she didn’t take a photo of me!  Well, after laughing she went back and got another one.  The accompanying image is worth about 3 pages of explanation and is mouth guard number 3.  Mom has finally realized that we should not have mouth guards in the house and her jaw does not need to be relaxed in her sleep!!

With Love, Ollie


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